


How to Seduce a Cougar in 5 Simple Steps...Without Tryin

by iluvpaddedwalls



Series: Seduction!Verse [2]
Category: The Losers (2010), The Losers (Comic)
Genre: Dirty talk to a laptop, Jealous!Cougar, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oblivious!Jensen, Seduced!Cougar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-26
Updated: 2012-09-26
Packaged: 2017-11-15 01:39:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/521744
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iluvpaddedwalls/pseuds/iluvpaddedwalls
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to How (Not) To Seduce a Cougar in 5 Simple Steps. Jensen tried 5 simple steps to seduce Cougar and Cougar somehow ended up thinking Jensen was mad at him...and apparently wanted to chop him up into tiny bits with a chainsaw. He may love him but sometimes the sniper just makes no sense. But the point is, he obviously stinks at seduction.....</p>
            </blockquote>





	How to Seduce a Cougar in 5 Simple Steps...Without Tryin

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is the second piece of my seduction!verse. I absolutely loved writing the first one and I knew I was going to have to do a follow-up. Again, don't tell my beta that I'm playing hooky! This one is going to be from Jensen's POV.

Step 1.  
Flaunt Your Assets  
If you love a part of your body, show it off. Wear a favorite color. Wear a perfume that heightens your sexual senses. Most important, don't get caught up wondering, Oh, will he like this on me? He's not the driver, you are! If you're confident, he'll feel it.

 

Jensen huffed and let his pack fall to the ground behind him. He could dimly hear the others behind him doing the same. Balls, it was hot! He groaned and linked his hands behind him before stretching them up towards the sky. Ohh, that felt good. Being cheated out of your money by your cheating cheater of a team mate was more fun then these family fun trips. Mommy was cranky, daddy was violent and on yeah, he wanted to do dirty, dirty things to his brother.

Speaking of said "brother". "Cougar, it's hot." He drew the hot out for several seconds as he glanced over his shoulder at where Cougar was sitting on his pack, drinking out of a canteen. Seeing the water he scurried over to his friend, dirty thoughts set aside for a later time. Cougar clutched the canteen protectively as Jensen drew nearer.  
"C'mon Cougs. I'm thirsty." He whined, making sure his pout was extra pronounced and his puppy dog eyes extra puppy-ish. What, he was really thirsty! Cougar merely lifted an eyebrow at him, making him scuff his boot in the sand. "I know man but I forgot to fill mine up." Cougar frowned. "I know you told me to fill it up but I was distracted by the bunny cloud and then you guys almost left me and I had to run to catch up so if you really think about it, it's all your fault that I don't have any water." Cougar scowled at him. Okay, ouch, so not the way to get the water. 

Time to fall back on bribery. "I have a 3 musketeers bar in my pack that you can have. Just 'cause I'm a good person like that Cougs. Kinda like you're a good person to let me have some water." He gave the man his most winning smile and watched in victory as Cougars eyes shifted to his pack and the hidden chocolate bar within before holding out the canteen.

"Yes! You are a good, good friend Cougs. I'll never forget this." Cougar rolled his eyes and made off to rifle through his pack looking for the hidden goodies. It didn't take him long since Cougar had the eyes of an eagle, the steadiness of a rock and the additional bonus of a chocolate detector. Jensen rushed to get a drink before Cougar took it back and cursed as in his haste most of the water missed his mouth and soaked the front of his shirt. Keeping a firm hold on the precious canteen he quickly grabbed the bottom of his shirt with his other hand and peeled the t-shirt up and off.

"Ohhh, that feels so much better. Why can't we walk around like this all the time?" He asked with a smile, head tilting back and eyes closing as cool breeze dried the sweat on his back. He cursed his wimsy ways as a second later Pooch snatched the canteen out of his hands and bounded over to the other side of the camp with it. "OMG Pooch, you have just made the worse mistake of your life. You better give me that canteen before I go rabid and start gnawing on your wrist." Pooch just laughed, which caused Jensen to lunge forward and grab Pooch around his waist. With a massive heave he managed to pick Pooch up off the ground. Pooch will forever deny the unmanly squeel he let out but the others will always be more than happy to set him straight. The canteen dropped to the ground as Pooch frantically grabbed onto the arm around his waist. 

Jensen just laughed and set Pooch down at the same time as grabbing the canteen off the ground. He jogged back to Cougar who was sitting on his pack, half eaten chocolate bar in his hand, seemingly forgotten. He was staring at Jensen, eyes glazed and Jensen had to snap his fingers twice in front of his face to get his attention and give the canteen back.

Jensen didn't even care that he didn't get any water because the look in Cougars eyes, imagined or not (but probably imagined), was worth it. 

Step 2.   
Touch him  
No, not like that (at least, not in public), but tease him by running your hand up and down his arm, caress his hand, or rub his back. It'll get his motor running!

 

It was one of their rare nights off. Usually they would all go out to a bar and relax off base but Cougar had sprained his ankle...badly. Jensen kept telling the sniper that despite his name he was not, in fact, an actual Cougar and could not always safely jump from the fifth story of a building and expect to come away un-injured. But did he ever listen to him...no, he did not. So that was why Cougar could not go to the bar and Jensen being the awesome friend that he was had decided to stay with him when the others had ditched them without a second thought. Jensen had already decided that they would get something real "special" for that. 

So that was how he found himself being smooshed into the arm of the couch with Cougar pressing against him while an episode of Merlin played in the background. And no, not in the way he wanted because Cougar was asleep, sleeping the sleep of the drugged. He definately didn't want to wake him up because he had to bribe Cougar with a whole bag of mini snickers and promise to get him one of those huge one pound candy bars next time he saw one. So no, it was way too expensive to wake Cougar up. 

He grit his teeth and gently draped an arm around Cougars shoulder, wary of the sniper waking up and deciding a bullet was the perfect way to thank the most generous hacker. But the sniper just made the cutest snuffling noise and shifted. Jensen pressed back and managed to get Cougar laying down with his head resting in his lap. He strained to the right and managed to get his legs laying out straight and then sat back with a sigh. Well, that could have gone a lot worse. 

Cougars hat had fallen off and Jensen quickly dropped it on the table in front of them, trying not to leave fingerprints. Without fingerprints they could prove nothing! It was about twenty more minutes into the episode that he realised that he was softly carding his fingers through Cougars hair. He paused for a moment before shrugging and continuing, if he hadn't been woken up by it by now then he figured it was relatively safe. 

He couldn't remember falling asleep but he must have because the next thing he knows he's blinking his eyes open to Roque standing in front of them grinning, camera open in front of him. "Say cheese."

Jensen sleepily flipped him off. "Dude, you are way to happy. You must not have drunk enough last night. Or you finally got laid now that Cougar wasn't around." Roque scowled at him and Jensen snickered. He was surprised that Cougar was still asleep after all this. He gently extracted his hand from Cougars head and slowly slid out from beneath him, gently laying him back on the couch. The drugs must have been stronger than he thought. He didn't give it any more thought as he chased Roque into the kitchen. And if he didn't think about how the snipers eyes opened as soon as he moved away and watched him leave well, he didn't know about that. And if somehow the picture Roque had taken ended up his screensaver on his phone, well, he didn't know about that either.

Step 3.  
Talk dirty  
Okay, so the dirty talk might make you feel a bit squeamish, but guys are visual thinkers. So, if you're trying to get him into bed, lose those inhibitions, and tell him what you'd like him to do.

 

Jensen was frustrated. He really needed this information. Like really. And he had to do what he had to do to get it, no matter how unpleasant.   
"Come on sweetheart. Dont' do this to me. I really need this."  
"Just open a little for me okay? Just a little. I'll be real gentle. You won't even feel me there."  
"First time for you? Aw, that's okay, I'll go real easy. Nice and smooth."  
"Oh yeah, you're beautiful. I knew you could do it. I'm so proud of you. That wasn't so hard now was it."  
"Alright, now lets see if we can go deeper. Yeah, right there. Right there, no no, to the left..."  
He shifted in his seat, his legs falling asleep. He let one hang down, absently swinging it, a rhythmic thump echoing through the room as he kicked the desk leg.   
"Yeah. Right there. Mmm, oh yeah. O-Ow!! Shi..Ow! God, that hurts!"  
Jensen's door burst open and hit the door with a bang. Jensen jumped and turned to see Cougar filling the doorway, glaring around the room with his gun drawn but thankfully pointed at the floor. Jensen immediately put his hands up in surrender. "Shit, Cougs! Whatever you think I did theres an 83% possibility that I'm innocent." Cougar turned the glare on him after making one more sweep of the room.

"Okay, so it's a 67% but are you really gonna shoot me with those kind of percentages?" Cougs didn't stop glaring but he did reholster his gun and for that Jensen thanked all things holy. 

"You yelled." Cougar accused, eyes flicking around again and then looked Jensen over from head to toe and back. 

Jensen blushed and gave a weak laugh. "Oh yeah, well I stubbed my toe on my desk. And it really hurt!" He justified when Cougar just frowned at him.

"It sounded...you are alone?" Now it was Jensen's turn to frown and look around his room like maybe he was the one not making sense. 

"Um...yeah?" Cougar glared again and swept out of the room without another word, not even bothering to close the door. "And people say that I'm weird."

Step 4.  
Be Generous with the Compliments  
It's good to compliment a guy on anything you feel is really outstanding, because compliments generate a very positive environment. Besides, being appreciative is a very attractive trait in a person.

 

One day Jensen was stuck in front of his computer getting some intel that Clay absolutely had to have, life or death, just do it Jensen! He didn't even look up when his door quietly opened since he was sharing a room with Cougar this time and was used to him coming and going. What he wasn't used to was the delicious smell coming with him. He sniffed a couple times and his head popped up from over the computer screen.

"Hey, Cougs. Whatcha got there?" Cougar just set the plate down in front of them, holding a fork out.   
"Tamales."  
"Ohh, they smell good. For me? Aww, Cougs. You're the sweetest, bestest guy I've ever know. Mmmm." He was busy devouring the meal in front of him that he didn't notice when Cougar slipped out of the room. 

The next day Cougar came up and gave him a t-shirt. It was blue and on the front it had a picture of cross hairs situated over a persons head and beside that it said Snipers Get More. Jensen looked at it in shock for a moment. "Did you...just give me a t-shirt with a sex joke on it...about snipers?"  
Cougar shrugged. Jensen hugged the t-shirt to his shirt and squeeled. "Oh man, this is awesome! My new favorite t-shirt." He laughed and held the shirt up so that he could see it. "You're the best Cougs. Thanks man, I love it."  
Cougar looked pleased. 

Step 5.   
Get Ready for Some Action  
Well, after doing such a great job, there is no way you won't achieve your motive. He will be lurking all over you in no time.

 

"Oh come on Cougar! Really, we have to do this again?" Jensen found himself in the same position as several months ago. Cougar was sitting on his lap, keeping him pushed down into the bed. He could get up if he wanted too, he could. He just...didn't want to hurt Cougar, yeah, that was it. 

"Okay, I don't know what I did this time to make you think I was mad at you but I'm not mad at you okay? Promise. Swear. Cross my heart and hope to die. I am in no way, shape or form mad for any reason."

Cougar just nodded and gave him a tiny smile. Jensen opened his mouth to question what Cougar was doing on his lap again then when Cougar got a lot closer and Jensen felt warm lips press against his open. Cougar leaned back a couple inches and Jensen snapped his mouth shut, his brain shutting down for several seconds. Before rebooting and began doing the tango to a mariachi band. 

Cougar was still watching him but wasn't moving. Jensen felt a goofy grin stretch across his face and reached up to tangle his hands in Cougars hair. "Oh, well that's fine then. You know it took you long enough. And here I thought snipers noticed everything."

He felt lips press against his for a moment before the sniper chuckled softly. "We do." And his mouth was again preoccupied before he could say anything else. But he was definately okay with that. 

___________________________________________________________  
The End.


End file.
